Mother vs Doula: Childcare

Welcome to the second installment of Mother vs Doula! Last week I talked about how I make breastfeeding work for us, despite the crazy long hours and being on-call 24/7. If you missed it, you can read about it here: Mother vs Doula: Breastfeeding. Today's topic is, in my opinion, my biggest "hurdle" when it comes to working as a full time Doula with young children- Childcare.

Due to the unpredictable nature of labor, I need to have childcare options available at the drop of a hat. In my contract, I have it listed (several times!) that a client is responsible to call me the minute she believes labor is starting. This gives me at least 2-3 hours to alert my support team that I may be leaving to attend a birth within a few hours if it does turn out to be baby time. I am always able to tell my clients to relax, take a shower, drink some water, lay down, and time the contractions for at least an hour and a half and call me with the results. During this time, I'm figuring out my childcare options for that day/night.

I'm lucky, in the sense that I'm married to a guy who is home by 7-8 pm on the average night. He's home all night, and typically doesn't leave the house until 9-10 am for work. So if my client goes into labor at 10 pm, I can call my childcare options and tell them I'm headed to a birth and will probably need them for a few hours the next morning. If it's my husband's day off the next day, I don't even have to worry, I can just kiss everyone goodbye and head out the door. Otherwise, I tell my sitters that he or I will call them around 7:30 am to confirm that we need them, and what time to be at my house. If a client goes into labor around 2 in the afternoon, I start calling my childcare as soon as she tells me she thinks it's time. I find out who is available and who isn't. By the time my client calls me back 2 hours later with a progress report, I've got a game plan in place.

As I stated before, my clients are responsible for calling me the minute they suspect they are in labor, no matter what time it is. This is to give me time to set up. They are to call me back 2 hours later with an update on the contractions. The follow up from my client will be one of three things:

1. "My contractions are coming every 8 minutes apart, and have been for the last hour and a half!"
2. "I'm still having contractions, but they are still very mild and only every 10-15 minutes, not super consistent yet."
3. "Everything stopped, false alarm. Sorry!"

Occasionally, before the two hours are up, I'll get this fourth option:
4. "I know you said to time the contractions for two hours but my water just broke and the contractions are getting intense!"

Depending on the nature of the update, I will have different plans.

1. "Alright, I'll let my sitter know. Hang tight, I'll be there in about an hour. You're having a baby today!"
2. Ok, sounds like it could be early labor, but you also could just be dehydrated. Go drink 16 oz of water and try to take a nap. Call me if anything changes." I then let my sitter know that I'll update her when there's a change, but she is not needed immediately.
3."No problem! Call me if anything changes, get some rest." I will then call my sitter and tell her it was a false alarm, but I'll call her back if anything changes.

And of course,

4. "Alright, my sitter will be here soon, I'll be to you as quick as I can. You are having a baby today!" Then I call my sitter and tell her to get here ASAP.

As far as finding sitters available on short notice, knowing other Doulas in the community is a bonus in that aspect. Often they will watch your kids if you agree to watch theirs when the time is needed, or they will know a good reliable last-minute sitter. It also pays off to have family in the area who is always bugging you about spending time with your kids (hey mom!) and has a flexible schedule. Those options, plus a family friend or two who doesn't have kids of their own make a nice selection for last-minute childcare options. Just like I don't put my life on hold just because I'm a Doula, I don't expect my childcare options to just be chilling at home waiting for me to call. That's one of the reasons I have my contract written the way it is, with a clause that says to allow up to 90 minutes from the time we determine it's really go time for me to get to you. That's also why it is absolutely vital that a client let me know the minute they suspect labor. It gives me time to prepare without feeling rushed or panicked. I always tell my clients not to worry about waking me, or about "bothering" me by having a lot of false alarms. I would rather be very in the loop about what's going on than to get a call that says "my water broke 2 hours ago and the contractions are really picking up, I need you now!" That is so inconvenient for me, and with my responsibility as a mother to make sure my children are cared for in my absence, I may miss the birth of your baby. Yes, I have a responsibility to my client to be there. But my client has a responsibility to me, to keep me informed.

I find that by being completely transparent with my clients about WHY I want them to keep me in the loop, and call me with any changes, it makes all of our lives so much easier. They know I'm able to get to them when they truly need me, and I don't feel stressed or rushed. At this point, my kids are used to me going to births and being gone for 12-24 hours, so it's not a big deal in that aspect.

Childcare was my biggest fear when I first started working as a Doula, because it is such an unpredictable job. But once you get a solid network of options in place and have a system that your clients follow, it takes all the stress out of it, and you can pour your focus into your love for the job.